First I became a childless widower, and then in the last couple of years I moved. So I’ve had plenty of reasons to try a lot of things over the last decade to make new friends. Having grown up in the military, I knew that I could put those atrophied friend-making muscles to work again. I get a number of notes asking me for advice on making friends at this stage of life, frequently after becoming an empty nester, divorced/widowed or a move. There is absolutely no getting around the reality that it requires real effort and putting yourself in new, awkward situations. There’s a lot of trial and error. A lot of effort felt entirely wasted. But here’s what actually worked for me.
I became a “very active” regular customer at the independent bookstore in my neighborhood. I stopped in regularly, joined a book discussion group, attended author talks. People who work in bookstores (like librarians) are so very nice, and so are their regular customers.
I learned to play backgammon and started attending the weekly game for beginners at a local club. People who play backgammon are very social, and it’s easy to learn.
I picked up tennis after 30 years, and joined a women’s tennis league in town.
I became a regular at a neighborhood restaurant where the chef hosts cooking classes and other tasting events. I met other regulars who loved to cook and check out new restaurants.
I went on a number of women’s group hiking and travel trips—day hikes, longer style & design related trips to Milan, Rome and Tangier and hiking trips in California and the Dolomites. I met a few women from these who have become very close friends, one of whom I met hiking in the Dolomites and lives in my neighborhood!
I threw the first pizza & salad party in my condo building and invited everybody. Everybody came! I asked everybody who came to bring either a salad or a bottle of wine. Knowing the people in my building when I ran into them made me feel less isolated, and one became a regular for checking out new neighborhood restaurants.
I just tried this and don’t know whether it will work yet: I learned about an informal neighborhood email newsletter and posted a “classified” looking for women interested in learning how to play canasta.
The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
