The Crush Letter No 192: Touch Me, Padel, Lady Chatterly & A PSA on Flight Thefts
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Hello Crush,
Hi, hi, hi! I just touched down from New Zealand. Great trip.
This is Koko looking at me while I type this.
Enough about Koko. A number of you have written in with recommendations on shows, books, podcasts and music you have loved lately. Thank you! I‘m going to pull them together for a DEVOUR Letter devoted to CRUSH Reader recommendations,
Our DEVOUR Letters, if you’re new here, are our Letters sharing Contributing Editor Lisa Ellex’s and my recommendations on what to read, watch and listen to. But this next one will be yours, CRUSHes.
What book, show, podcast or album have YOU devoured lately? Share it below and we’ll include in our upcoming DEVOUR Letter.
PS: Please read my dishing column below for a PSA about thefts on flights.
In This Letter. +Touch Me: By Nina Ross It’s glorious! +Three Things I'm Crushing On. From CRUSH Reader Mark My wife gave it to me for Valentine’s Day and I love it. +Re-Reading Erotic Lit Classics: Lady Chatterley´s Lover by DH Lawrence. Reviewed By Christian Pan +Social Media I Loved This Week. +Our Song of the Week
Touch Me: By Nina Ross
CRUSH Reader Nina Ross’s recent piece Just Call Me Already really hit a cord with a lot of readers. Thankfully, she’s back with another exhortation.
When I'm not in a romantic relationship, there are a few silver linings—dinner choice is mine, as is what to watch on tv and, when I have a cold, there is no discussion of who sleeps where. Notwithstanding that, there is one thing I especially miss. No, I don't mean sex...that I have some back up plans for. It's being touched. That magical feeling when someone puts their hand—or leg or hip or head next to you and you are connected to them, literally.
For me, touch soothes, calms and pleases all at the same time. No words, no expectations, just that feeling of being in relationship with someone without really having to do anything. An acknowledgment that you are both in this world together, even if only for a moment. In community, connected, maybe even intertwined. It's glorious!
When I don't have the regular touch of someone in my life, massage is my secret weapon. The gentle grazing of another person's hand or forearm on my body reminds me of all of the wonderful people in my world. I feel love and connection to my community, appreciation for the life I've created, and a warmth that fills me up in an irreplaceable way. It’s one person’s soothing touch, but it channels so many more.
I'm also a hugger--from my dog walker to colleagues at work, to old (and new) friends, when it feels right, I lean in. Once I smile and acknowledge my hugging tendencies I'm often greeted with a reciprocal smile. Occasionally, I get it wrong and someone looks at me like I have two heads, but I'm ok with that. Onwards and upwards!
And then there is dancing. I'm not very good at it, but damn I like it! The opportunity to touch someone incidentally and on purpose, to be held, all while listening to music. It's delicious.
There are limitless ways to be touched--getting a pedicure, shaking hands with the person next to you at church, or playing a game of red rover (remember that?). Whatever fills your tank. It doesn't need to be romantic to count.
Touch is my magical pick up on a droopy day. And always just a person away.
In this series, readers like you share recommendations for the things they love the most, right at this moment.
Three Things I'm Crushing On. From CRUSH Reader Mark
Padel. Just search “padel” in your area. It’s the perfect new sport for both men and women at our stage. It’s a cross between tennis and squash, played mostly as doubles and on a smaller court. Courts are popping up all over the place. It is very big in Europe and has more of the feel of tennis than pickleball. You score like tennis and use a smaller ball that resembles a tennis ball. The thing that’s great about it is that it is more about strategy and feel than it is power, which means that it is a great coed sport. The courts are smaller than tennis courts, so you add that to the fact that it is played as a doubles’ sport and you get a very fun and social way to get a work out in. That combination is exactly what we all need in our lives right now. All of us, yes, but particularly us, other Crush Readers. Pick it up now to get a head start on your pack. :-)
The Larq filtered water bottle. I flat out don’t like plastic water bottles, so I carry my water bottle with me to play sports, etc. That means I am filling it up using whatever tap is handy wherever I’m playing. My tennis league plays on a lot of public courts, etc. I just bring this Larq filtration bottle with me wherever. It’s the simplest thing and I don’t have to worry about water quality, etc.
My wife gave me this for Valentine’s Day and I love it. I use it everyday! Mostly for drinks but also an occasional sandwich, hardboiled egg or yogurt cup. My routine now is to basically keep freezer packs in my freezer and this Yeti it in my car, and then I throw the freezer packs and whatever food item I grabbed from the fridge into the yeti — depending on what I am doing that day. I am very active and focused on eating healthy. Some days I will actually go from my morning Padel league out to play golf — I’ll throw cold drinks and some form of protein in there so I don’t have to rely on stopping somewhere. At the end of every day I reach into my Yeti and grab the ice pack and whatever food items/trash are in there. It’s easy peasy.
Anything else you’d like to share?
My wife and I both check out your CRUSH Letter every Saturday. Thanks Dish!
Got something you’re crushing on? Share it, please! Even if it’s only one thing! We’ll aggregate it with others to publish a Three Things that includes yours. Thank you!
In this series Christian Pan re-discovers classic erotic literature from a current perspective.
Christian Pan is a writer based in New York City who has published six novellas and nearly one hundred short stories focused on the erotic imagination since 2021. He also hosts the monthly Pulse Session for the podcast All the Filthy Details, and under another name works in the entertainment business.
Re-Reading Erotic Lit Classics: Lady
Chatterley´s Lover by DH Lawrence. Reviewed By Christian Pan
With our clutter of screens … perhaps Lady Chatterley's Lover still has something to tell us today.
Returning from the Great War paralyzed from the waist down, Sir Clifford Chatterley must navigate a marriage devoid of sexual intimacy, one that becomes predominantly intellectual. Initially, the couple and their fellow elites entertain themselves in the drawing room with various philosophical discussions, debating topics such as whether love can be separated from sex, the roles of men and women within (heterosexual) relationships, and whether it is unjust for women to bear a child when the father is not the husband. Sometimes these conversations can read a bit clumsily on the page, as if these characters were but mere mouthpieces for the author DH Lawrence's worldview; but given our current culture wars over gender and non-monogamous relationships, as well as the ongoing challenges to reproductive rights for women in America, many themes introduced in the first third of Lady Chatterley's Lover feel pertinent and remain provocative even today.
Some readers may find the novel's depictions of the erotic, tame by contemporary standards. Nearly a century ago, publishers found the book too controversial for its frank depictions of sex and multiple examples of profanity, its pervasive themes of adultery and women seeking divorce, and more. Lawrence ultimately had to self-publish in 1928. But Lady Chatterley's Lover remained banned in multiple countries around the world for more than 30 years, including Lawrence’s native Britain, until the 1960 publication of the “unexpurgated” kicked off an obscenity trial. The case ruled in favor of the publisher, Penguin, and created a precedent for more writers and artists to address subjects that had previously been censored due to their being deemed “obscene” or “pornographic.”
Early in the book, Sir Clifford encourages Lady Chatterly (“Constance” or “Connie”) to have an extra-marital affair, both so she can mother a child as well as so he can feel secure that a future heir of the Chatterley line will live on at the Wragby estate. The Lady resists initially, not due to moral misgivings, but largely because Connie has yet to find a desirable suitor. Her body grows wan and gaunt as time goes on, however, stuck inside the confines of the large mansion she shares with her husband, who alternates between being a petulant bore, obsessed with wealth and power derived from his coal mines, and a staunch supporter of hierarchy. After a visit from her sister Hilda dispels her wasting lethargy, Lady Chatterley begins taking long hikes and rekindles her previously dormant passion for life. Being outside also ignites her erotic nature, which only flourishes further when she meets Oliver Mellors, the Wragby game-keeper.
Continue reading here
dishing.
Things I thought you might want to know about, and some you probably don’t.
Flight Thefts. Having just returned from a long flight, I found this PSA about thefts on flights relevant and eye-opening. I’ve never had anything stolen from me on a flight, so I don’t want to overreact but this is not something that was on my radar in any significant way. I usually carry my passport, driver’s license, credit cards and cell phone in a discrete, low-key black waist travel pouch that I keep on me during flights. I’ve had mine for years so I can’t find a link to it, but it is similar to this one from Pacsafe. It is not a chic designer pouch. That’s purposeful! My goal when I travel is to not look rich & glitzy! To not call attention to myself. To look sharp, understated and kinda stylish and cool but definitely not rich.
Also, I wear my waist travel pack under a loose, zippable leisure (meaning sweatshirt-like) tunic — like the AirEssentials Full Zip Tunic I told you about last week. The reason I got that tunic in particular is that you can unzip it from the bottom up (as well as from the top down), giving a little more room if you need it for the waist pack.
I am a freak about safety when I travel. I have been mugged and I have had valuables (a Cartier watch, an Armani blazer) stolen (from my hotel room — in a well-regarded, upscale hotel). I have had valuables stolen from checked bags (golf clubs, a designer purse, an Hermes scarf, etc.). I love to travel and have adopted an obsessively considered approach to it around safety and convenience that includes packing light, not checking luggage, not bringing valuables and a low-key look that is, I hope, sharp and upscale. You can read more in my Travel Tips You May Not Know piece, which is below in the Some Past Related Articles Section. (I need to update that this week to address flight theft. I update it regularly.)
One More PSA: A good reminder that men need male friends from Orion Taraban’s PsycHacks series. But solving the loneliness crisis for men may require men, and the women who love them, to make a mindset change.
On Broadway. Staying on the topic of loneliness: on my way to New Zealand I spent a couple of days in New York with a girlfriend and we caught the play Maybe Happy Ending. It asks questions like why bother loving if it’s going to end? That sounds sad, but the production is a surprise - clever, sly, funny, humorous and we both loved it.
Live Comedy. Another night, we checked out the line-up at Rodney’s Comedy Club on the upper east side. It has recently reopened after a revamp — it was formerly Rodney Dangerfield’s club — and it’s still finding its legs. The crowd was small and the comedians were uneven, but we agreed we’d definitely go again. The rawness and intimacy of seeing somebody step up to give it a go was a thrill. They’re making themselves so vulnerable. It was also interesting to break down what worked and what didn’t on our walk home after. We both said that we felt a lot of feelings while watching the acts — yes, humor, but also empathy and inspiration for those getting on stage. We both love funny things and thought that going to these was a good way to incorporate more humor into our every day lives. So here’s a belt out for going to your luck comedy club.
A Funny Comedian. We were in the mood to watch more live comedy after Rodney’s and started Leanne Morgan’s I’m Every Woman show on Netflix when we got home. We said we were only going to watch a few minutes, but we were enjoying it so much that we watched the whole thing. She’s funny. Very relatable. We agreed we’d love to be in the audience for her new tour Just Getting Started. Follow her on insta here.
Social Media I Loved This Week
@law_of_attraction_with_alleah
Song of the Week
Night or Day by Chris Cohen
I’ve mentioned Matthew Schnipper’s Substack Deep Voices a couple of times. Schnipper is a serious music enthusiast, who (in addition to his substack) writes reviews for Pitchfork (and others). Anyway, Chris Cohen came out with a new album in July called Paint A Room. Schnipper wrote this about the album:
“Chris Cohen’s sublime album achieved the near impossible, delivering a big feeling with a small sound.
Here’s a song from that sublime album.
Have a wonderful week. And don’t forget to send me your DEVOUR suggestions, please!
Dish
Some Past Related Articles You Don't Want To Miss:
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The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?