The Crush Letter No 189: That’s Me On A Podcast, Plank Salmon, Dating & Dear Dish
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Hello Crush,
Welcome to the new CRUSH Readers who have joined from Michele Lameroux’s A Good Life podcast!
I was super nervous about being a podcast guest for the first time, but Michele is such a wonderful host that she immediately made me feel comfortable. And, of course, I was chatting with her about a topic I am intimately familiar with — dating later in life. More on that below.
We have so much for you this week so we‘ll jump right into it. But first, wow! CRUSH Readers shared so much love for last week’s TOPIX piece written by Nina Ross. Some of your Dear Dish letters (some of them quite humorous) are below.
And - of course - hello from Koko.
In This Letter. +The Good Life Podcast: The Girlfriend's Guide to Dating in Midlife with Dish Stanley That’s me, on a podcast! +Willing: Dish Stanley and The House That Jack Built by Lisa Ellex “I could see replacing the throw pillows or something but …”. +And Now We’re Done: Why The Final One Is The Best Bridget Jones By Dish Stanley +My Very Favorite Way to Fix Salmon! From My Very Favorite Ex. By Dish Stanley “WW, Urgent. I’m having friends over …”. Dear Dish ... Tell her I love her. +Social Media I Loved This Week. +Our Song of the Week On a tour of one-night stands
The Good Life Podcast: The Girlfriend's Guide to Dating in Midlife with Dish Stanley
“And then there’s a whole category of dating issues in midlife that I’ll just put in the ‘bandwidth bucket.” Dish Stanley on The Good Life with Michele Lamoureux
That’s me, on a podcast! I was really nervous about the idea of doing a podcast and the truth is that Michele, a CRUSH Reader, reached out to me quite a few times before I got it together enough to record a show. I am grateful that Michele is a wonderful host and made me feel relaxed from the get-go.
And I did let it fly.
I shared in detail the arc of my dating life after being widowed in my forties. I talked about how I started out feeling optimistic and hopeful, then became frustrated by bumping repeatedly into the two common problematic dating zones for midlife dating: dating men who are separated but not divorced, and bandwidth issues. I told Michele about a deeply personal and difficult betrayal story that left me feeling unsexy, unbeautiful and unlovable — and how that lasted for years, and crept toxically into what I brought to my dates afterward. I shared how I finally got through that horrible period (just last summer) and how dating is fun again. More fun than it’s ever been, and why I believe that I’m better at dating now than I have ever been (including in my 20’s).
I share a little bit about what’s working for me, and what doesn’t. What my favorite first date is, and some of the advice I’ve gotten that is widespread but I believe just doesn’t work any more, at least for me (if it ever did for anyone —).
Thank you, Michele, for giving me the opportunity to share my experiences.
Take a listen, CRUSH Readers, and forward the episode to your friends and family. Thank you.
Willing: Dish Stanley and The House That Jack Built by Lisa Ellex
We hope you enjoy Willing, PrimeCrush’s newest column on the highs and lows of adult dating. In this installment, writer Lisa Ellex talks with Dish Stanley who reflect on one particular dating experience and offers her advice on what we should leave behind before approaching the dating table.
“Jack and I met in the city. After the passing of my husband, Jack was the second or third person I met on a dating app. He had been divorced a decade, had an apartment in the city that he crashed at a few times a week but – because he ran his own company and had flexibility – where ‘he really lived’ was his home by the ocean in Stonington, Connecticut. Jack stayed in Stonington most of the week and all of the summer, having owned it for forty years. Prior to his divorce, it was the place where he and his family (kids and ex-wife) had spent their summers and holidays during the course of his marriage.
In the midst of a lovely second date at Jojo’s on the Upper East Side of Manhattan, the conversation turned to the respective paths of our lives, what we were each reading, and how we liked to spend our weekends. It was then that Jack said, ‘Whoever I partner with needs to want to — now or eventually — have Stonington, and my home there, as our primary residence.’
‘Oh, I’ve never been to Stonington,“ I replied, “but I have a friend a couple towns over in Westerly, Rhode Island and it’s a lovely area.’
Jack continued. ‘I know from experience that my partner will want to make it her own if it’s going to be her primary residence, too, but I’ve been through this already and it doesn’t need much. I could see replacing the throw pillows or something but …’
I thought that this all seemed like an awful lot of ‘staking his ground’ much too early on but, clearly, Jack felt the need to hint at some past irreconcilable dating conflict for him.
Continue reading here
And Now We’re Done: Why The Final One Is The Best Bridget Jones By Dish Stanley
No SPOILERS!
No SPOILERS!
The only reason I watched the Bridget Jones series was to see Hugh Grant, so I didn’t bother with the third one, which he skipped. But he’s back for the fourth and final one. As Bridget’s ex-boyfriend, he has slid into the role of being a devoted friend to her and an indulgent Uncle-like figure to her children.
From the moment we spot him in Mad About the Boy, Grant’s Daniel steals the show. He‘s in a bar listening to his much-younger girlfriend fervently recite a poem at what appears to be an ‘open mic’ poetry night when Bridget calls to confirm that he‘s coming over as promised to babysit her kids. What we see first is his phone moniker for her, clearly from years ago when they dated: Dirty Dirty Bitch.”
The ringing of the phone disrupts his girlfriend mid-sentence and the audience turns to him, annoyed. After promising Bridget he hadn’t forgotten her (he clearly had), he turns to the crowd and says: “I’m so sorry, it’s my Mother. She’s in the hospital.” And then in a very audible whisper, loud enough to be overheard, says to Bridget “I will be there quicker than it took me to bring you to an earth-shattering orgasm, you filthy little harlot.”
And we’re off. He is still a cad who has clearly not spent the years since we last saw him maturing into a worthy romantic partner, but he is funnier than ever. All of the best laughs in the film come when he’s on screen, and they’re good.
Though he hasn’t grown as a romantic lead, there is also a great deal that has matured in Daniel’s relationship with Bridget. They have become wonderful friends who know each other deeply, accept each other completely (his caddishness, her goofballness), enjoy each other’s company and take care of each other. In some sense, it is their friendship that is the love that is ultimately at the core of this final Bridget Jones and we appreciate that it is meaningful to each of them, as unexpected as it is touching and fun to watch.
My Very Favorite Way to Fix Salmon! From My Very Favorite Ex. By Dish Stanley
The new Bridget Jones movie made me think about the ex’s in my life who I continue to appreciate. So I thought I’d share an actual text exchange between me and “WW”— sent a month after we ended what was a year-long loving, fun relationship over ’bandwidth issues.” (More about him later. Probably.)
‘WW‘ was an absolutely wonderful chef and cooked for me a lot — one of the biggest gifts I got from him (and there were many) was his plank salmon recipe.
I have made this for countless dates and dinner parties and it always impresses.
Dish: WW, URGENT. I’m having friends over for dinner tomo. The basics for your plank salmon please? 🙏
WW: Okay. Soak the plank for a few hrs. Put the plank on the flame. Char it. Take the salmon. Make very deep cuts in it. Down to the skin. Rub it with lemon juice and olive oil. And any spices. I like Old Bay if I‘m short on time. Put it on the charred board. Charred side up. Put the cover down on your Green Egg and cook for 15 minutes at 375. Lower temp more time, higher less. Have fun. WWx
Dish: Thank god for you.
Dear Dish ...
A place for all of our "letters to the editor".
Here are some Reader reactions to the recent story by CRUSH Reader Nina Ross Just Call Me Already.
“DISH. I ACTUALLY CALLED MY MOTHER AND TWO FRIENDS TODAY. Fuck the texting first. Okay, calling my Mother isn’t unusual, I just threw that in. But calling my friends cold was new (a new old thing, actually). I mean, why was I ever assuming that calling my friends was an imposition? That’s fucked. How did we get there, anyway? Let’s change the world back to where we should be. Where it was. One call at a time.
I love The CRUSH Letter for just this reason. You have the best Reader suggestions. I love the 3 Product thing - that spray for linen has changed my life!" -Merrill
Note to Readers, Merrill is referring to the Downy Wrinkle Release Spray that was suggested by CRUSH Reader Dina last summer in our Three Things I’m Crushing On series.
“Dish, I called my new girlfriend. Out of the blue. Instead of texting. To figure out dinner. I left a vm saying I was thinking of her and looking forward to dinner and wanted to figure out plans. Well. That went over WELL. I might even get lucky because of that column of yours. Tell that Nina woman to share other suggestions stat. She’s BRILLIANT." - Mike
“Dear Dish,
I LOVED the Just Call Me TOPIX. I called four friends today AND left voicemails. I stopped doing that when my son told me that “it’s wicked uncool, not to mention annoying, to call now and leave voicemails. Totally out.” I should stop calling people he said. So it’s been years, but let’s bring it back. I would even call that clearly wonderful CRUSH Reader who wrote that story if I had her number. Just to thank her. She has freed me from the ‘text first tyranny.’ Tell her I love her.” - Lee
{transcribed Dish’s voicemails}
“Okay so I’M JUST CALLING YOU! Like that fantastic piece said in your CRUSH Letter today. I loved that piece. Nothing urgent on my end, so no rush in getting back. Just sending a warm voice. Call any time. Love you.”
“Hi! It’s Mary. I’m calling you! Just picking up the phone and calling! Loved that, by the way, in yesterday’s CRUSH Letter about people just calling again. I’m going to do that. We had such a great time yesterday, thanks for that. Let’s talk about that one guy. Weird, right? Call me. Just call me back!”
Social Media I Loved This Week
Song of the Week
Paul Simon and Sabrina Carpenter: Homeward Bound Live on SNL50
The musical opener for the SNL 50th Anniversary Special was so poignant And well done. Simon recalled the first time he had sung Homeward Bound on the SNL stage in 1976. Carpenter made a joke that landed well, and then did a perfect job of tenderly and respectfully accompanying a GREAT without overpowering his sometimes faltering voice.
Last week offered a smorgasbord of sequels to watch, between SNL’s Anniversary, Bridget Jones and White Lotus’s third season, didn’t I? All good, but this week I plan to get out from in front of the screen and bump up into more people IRL.
Enjoy, CRUSHEs.
Dish
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The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?