The Crush Letter brings love to your inbox weekly on Saturdays. To make you, your weekend and — sometimes even your love life — more compelling. Hell yes, sign me up.
Hello Crush,
Oh god, I can’t stop watching reports about the fires in L.A.
I’m not going to go on and on about it because we’re all trying to cope through it, but remember in September I wrote about the guy who I met through a friend who I went out with three or four times while he was in town — the one who had recently lost a long-term girlfriend to cancer after two years of lovingly escorting her to all her chemo, radiation and etc., appointments?
(”No, Dish,” you’re probably thinking, “How could I possibly keep track of your dates?” (Or, in this case, date-like male friends?) Fair enough.)
Anyway, that guy had lived with his late girlfriend over the two year period while she was dying. She had been diagnosed only a week after they moved in together (and when she was diagnosed she insisted they part because she said it wasn’t fair to him, and he insisted he loved her and wanted to be the one to take care of her).
Trying to work his way through the grief, trying to get to the other side of things, he renovated his home after she passed away.
His home was in Pacific Palisades.
I sent him a text when I read about the fires. “Safe,” he wrote back. “Evacuated, staying with friends. Lost my home.”
I’m heartbroken for him. So unfair, after all that he’s been through.
And his is just one heartbreaking story among thousands.
Prayers for L.A.
In This Letter. +Babygirl Review Not An Erotic Thriller, Not a Romcom, Not Even Entertaining. But Harris Dickinson, You Can Be My Father Figure. By Dish Stanley +Three Things I’m Crushing On My Most Potent Grooming Finds in 2024 +The Spotify Playlist I Listened To On Repeat While Addressing My New Year’s Cards. +My Favorite Social Media Lately +Our Song of the Week
Babygirl Review: Not An Erotic Thriller, Not a Romcom, Not Even Entertaining. But Harris Dickinson, You Can Be My Father Figure. By Dish Stanley
No Spoiler Alerts, Or At Least None That You Haven’t Already Gotten Elsewhere
So, as you surely know by now Babygirl is about a very in-control CEO played by Nicole Kidman who fulfills a lifelong desire for submissive sex with an intern. Sex is the single area of her life where Romy (Kidman’s CEO) not only doesn’t want control, but wants to be controlled. Whether you will find Babygirl compelling turns on whether you find that story line compelling - meaning, the very idea that somebody otherwise wholly in charge secretly craves the very opposite sexually.
I did not find it compelling, and neither did the very culturally-astute, smart girlfriend I saw the film with.
It’s not a new idea for anyone who watched Billions (which is nearly everybody, right)? And it’s not made new, at least not in this film by the fact that it’s a female protagonist rather than a male.
The reason I’m boiling it down to that basic plot line is that the film doesn’t offer a whole lot else. I am flummoxed by the good reviews. Maybe this is Kidman’s role of a lifetime and maybe Babygirl is the best acting of her career, but my fellow theater-goer and I never saw her as Romy. We only saw her as Nicole Kidman. It’s true that we have never seen Nicole Kidman like this. But guess what? Kim Basinger did it better and hotter, and that’s what came to mind while watching Nicole Kidman.
“Boy, this isn’t as good as 91/2 Weeks,” I whispered over to my friend.
“Or Body Heat,” she whispered back.
“Or The Last Seduction,” I said, under my breath again.
“Or the one with the rabbit. Which one was that?” She replied.
“Fatal Attraction,” I said, very quietly.
And then the eighty-something-year-old woman who was sitting in front of us turned around to stare me down. (That was even though, moments earlier and during what might otherwise have been a powerful moment, she had yelled in a very loud voice to the man sitting right next to her “That’s called fisting,” drawing widespread laughter from the room. (We were seeing Babygirl at the Lake Worth 8, a rundown theater in South Florida situated near numerous gated communities.))
The main problem with the film as a thriller is that it never feels like there is as much at stake for Kidman (I mean Romy) as there should be because the film doesn’t do an effective job of heightening the tension on what she might lose: her husband, her career.
There are a lot of beautiful scenes of Kidman in various states of being beautiful though. She is beautifully, tastefully, sumptuously dressed in quiet luxury as a CEO. She is beautiful from behind, naked, as she walks out of the bedroom where she just made love to - but did not have an orgasm with - her husband (played weakly by Antonio Banderas in a performance not worth dwelling on). She is beautiful drinking milk (and also lapping it up). She is beautiful when she is having an orgasm (finally, with the intern - more on him below). And that’s not nothing. All that beauty. But it doesn’t make for a movie in and of itself, per se.
As unconvinced as I was by Kidman’s portrayal of Romy, I did believe in Harris Dickinson’s character, Samuel. And I felt moved by the arc that Samuel travels in the film. (Though it’s difficult to call him a lead because it really is Kidman’s movie — she‘s in nearly every scene.) Dickinson plays the role of the sensitive, empathic, intuitive intern Samuel who — sensing what Kidman’s character needs — learns, over the course of the film, how to be a sexual dom. His transformation and then, finally, his ownership of his Dom-ness role becomes clear in the last scene we see of him.
The only scene that fully showcases Samuel, though, and the most poignant one of the film, depicts him dancing for Kidman in their hotel room to the music of George Michael’s Father Figure. It comes after their first full sex session, during which she had the first orgasm of her life from sex with another person (earlier we see her orgasm from masturbating to porn). This dance is his version of a victory lap. It feels like an intimate and genuine moment in a film that should contain many but doesn’t.
In a year in which we have seen some pretty sexy dancing scenes from male leads — from Barry Keoghan in Saltburn and Daryl MacCormack in Good Luck to You, Leo Grande — Dickinson’s was the most moving, and my favorite.
See Babygirl because Nicole Kidman is beautiful, or to be part of the cultural conversation, or because you’re a connoisseur of erotic thrillers and want to be comprehensive. See it to to have your own view on what all the fuss is about.
Or see it because you’re looking for a Father Figure. Or wondering whether you should be. But not for you — looking for a friend. In Babygirl, Dickinson will give you what you need.
If you want to read about more sexy films, scroll down for a link to Christian Pan’s regular column PrimeCrush & Chill: Steamy Films Worth a Rewatch.
If you want to add some kink to your life, scroll down for a link to Ralph Greco’s six part column Sighs & Moans.
In this series, readers like you share recommendations for the things they love the most, right at this moment.
Three Things I’m Crushing On: My Most Potent Grooming Finds in 2024. Dish Stanley
Hair, skin and teeth. You don’t get more basic than that. I discovered these three products last year — all inexpensive drugstore / Amazon finds — and they’ve been workhorses in my grooming regimen.
Do you have three things that you’re crushing on right now? Please share them with us here.
- If you read my story about thinning hair, then you know I started to use 5% Minoxidil. I get the extra strength and apply it about 3-4x a week (using the dropper that it comes with) along the top and crown. I rub it in a bit once on my scalp. I buy this version (yes it’s for men but my PCP said to use it because it is stronger). I’ve started seeing a lot of hair regrowth where I apply it.
The biggest knock on the minoxidil is that you have to keep using it forever. Dr. Alan Bauman, one of the country’s pre-eminent hair restoration specialists, says: “Hair loss is a chronic and progressive condition, so any therapy treatment needs to be continued over time.” If you stop using minoxidil, you will revert back to the hair loss you had before you started it. For me, that means I’ll use it forever — it’s made that much of a difference. I don’t use it every single night - I apply it 3-4x per week. The other knock is that it’s messy. You get used to it, and it’s a small price to pay, for me.
Certain popular brands, like Hers, are offering minoxidil serums mixed with other hyped hair-boosting ingredients, but based on my research in all of these serums it is the minoxidil that is the true, tested workhorse. So being able to get a five-month supply on amazon for under $30 is a no brainer. And it comes in bottles small enough to travel with.
2. Skincare: Zit & Pore Zapper: Paula’s Choice 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant
I have always had large pores (and, I hate even writing this) blackheads on my nose. I find them gross and they drive me crazy, so I’ve tried everything. I don’t know why I never tried this Paula’s Choice, because I had heard somewhere it was really good. I think I believed that the Goop Microderm Instant Glow Exfoliator had to be better (because, well, Gwyneth versus whoever Paula is, I thought). It’s not. Paula’s Choice is a miracle. I put it on at night and my nose looks shiny and clean in the morning.
- Teeth Whitening: Crest 3D Whitestrips
When I got my teeth cleaned in November I asked the dental hygienist whether I should get my teeth whitened (“I’m dating, as you know,”). And, if so, how much of a hassle the whole rigamarole of the professionally-done teeth whitening was. After glancing out toward the hallway to make sure the coast was clear, she said “Just buy the Crest 3D Whitestrips. Those specific ones. Don’t do another version, those are the best. Use them every night for ten days. That’s what I do. It’s pretty damn close to what you’ll get coming here. Much less hassle, much cheaper. And your teeth look good, but they’ll whiten up nicely.” I took that to mean that I could use a whitening, and went directly from the dentist’s office to CVS (where they were stocked behind lock and key). Amazing what a difference they’ve made.
What was your favorite self-care item of 2024? I’d love to know! Write to me at Dish@PrimeCrush.com (and it would be super helpful if you remembered to put “Favorite self-care item” in the subject line so I catch it). Thanks!
The Spotify Playlist I Listened To On Repeat While Addressing My New Year’s Card
A close friend sent me this Spotify playlist, created by Julia Roth, a Middlebury College student and the daughter of a close friend of hers. Let me just say, there is nothing better than diving into the lengthy playlist of a smart, sensitive, musically-in-tune liberal arts college student. The depth, the range, the meaningfulness, the intensity of feeling!
I finally - after about five years - got New Year’s cards out to friends this year. I played this on repeat while addressing cards.
Thanks to Julia, I discovered Waxahatchee, renewed my love affair with Leon Bridges and also discovered a couple of songs to add to the PrimeCrush compendium of songs you can f*ck to. (Stay tuned for those.) It is a great, wonderful revisit to the year in new music and — frankly, made me feel young and cool.
Here’s what Julia wrote in her introduction to the playlist:
"2024 was a very exciting year for music. This spring, I found myself immersed in the impressive wave of pop albums, each vying to define the zeitgeist. I also discovered a love for Argentine pop, fell head over heels for Waxahatchee’s new album, and listened obsessively to “I Blame Myself” by Sky Ferreira.
Meanwhile, this fall, I returned to my Middlebury roots and listened to a lot of songs with banjos and mandolins. As Spotify Wrapped would describe, I moved through my “Pink Pilates Princess Strut Pop phase,” my “Heatwave Potpourri Latin Pop season,” and my “Pumpkin Spice Mandolin Indie Folk moment."
Dive in. Enjoy!
Social Media I Loved This Week
Song of the Week
The Fisherman’s Wife By Landless
A close, smart friend recommended Ted Goia’s Substack The Honest Broker six months ago, and it hasn’t disappointed. The Honest Broker calls itself a “trustworthy guide to music, books, arts, media & culture,” and Goia himself has written a number of books, including Music: A Subversive History, and was once on the faculty at Stanford. The thing about following Goia is that he says that he is going to tell you about music that you won’t hear about from The Rolling Stones, and that maybe they haven’t yet heard of either, and that’s the truth. Goia calls the band Landless “Haunting Four-Part Harmony Folk Music from Ireland” and I agree.
Wishing you a safe and joyful 2025.
XO,
Dish
Some Past Related Articles You Don't Want To Miss:
Crush PoV
Crush PoV
Dish Stanley
If you love me as much as I love you (and I really do love you!), then please help me grow by forwarding this {love} Letter to a friend! And I'd love to have you join us on instagram.
The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
