The Crush Letter No 175: Mastering Longlasting Love, Transition Dresses & Fall TV
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Hello Crush,
“There’s a habit of mind that the masters [of love] have, which is this: They are scanning social environments for things they can appreciate and say ‘thank you’ for. They are building this culture of respect and appreciation very purposefully. Disasters [of love] are scanning the social environment for partners’ mistakes.” John Gottman, psychologist/researcher on love and founder of the “Love Lab”
We have a few nuggets for you today on long-term love, a subject brought to mind anew by the recent passing of Phil Donahue. He and his wife Marlo Thomas had hosted a podcast that The Crush Letter did a running feature on. In it they spoke to famous, happily married couples (including John McEnroe and Patty Smyth, for those doing their annual U.S. Open fanning of McEnroe). What we learned from all their interviews, as well as a summary of the McEnroe/Smyth episode, is below. Also, a fuck song from CRUSH Reader Joe, who is all about his wife of 35 years. If you scroll down to Dishing you’ll see a link to a recent article in The Atlantic that’s a solid overview on how those who have mastered long-term love did this.
And then there’s this reel, from my favorite Hollywood couple.
My favorite “Hollywood Couple.” 36 years together.
But I have a question for you, dearest CRUSH Readers who are in long-term romances. What makes *yours* work? We’d love to share it.
We are starting it all off with an absolutely touching Quiver story from Lisa Ellex. One of my favorite Quivers ever. I think you’ll enjoy how diving into Gabrielle’s sweet story allows you to revisit your own days of young love.
In This Letter. +QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories. By Lisa Ellex His jet black hair, always worn in a crew cut, was now long and styled and fell perfectly over one eye when he looked up from reading a book covered in brown paper. +3 Summer to Fall Transition Dresses I'm Crushing On. From Dish +Amplify. Best of the Double Dates Podcast Hosted By Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue There are a lot of ways to build a happy marriage. +Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. CRUSH Reader Joe shares the music he (and his wife) like to love to. +Watch List: Fall Television for Grown Ups +dishing. Having a hard time keeping track of what and when? I was to. +Social Media I Loved This Week. +Our Song of the Week
QUIVER. Sexual Debut Stories. By Lisa Ellex
A tender and exciting column of true stories looking back at first-time sex.
Who made YOU Quiver? PrimeCrush columnist Lisa Ellex wants to know. Just whisper it in her ear and your “first-time” story could be the inspiration for her next Quiver column. Anonymity a concern? She'll change your name, location, and any other piece of identifying info, just like they do in the witness protection program. Except you don't have to move. So if you want to Quiver with us, contact lisaellex@gmail.com
Gabriella
Gabriella lives in a small apartment in a large city. She recently retired as Director of Youth Services at a metropolitan library and plans on spending her days traveling the world.
When my friends were busy deciding on colleges, I was busy deciding how to live my life to the fullest. When I announced to my parents that I would be taking a “gap year” (we didn’t call it that back then!), my father said he could only offer his blessing if I “got a good job” while taking the time to decide on which school I would attend. My mother passively agreed. At seventeen-years-old, I wasn’t quite sure what “a good job” was, but I was certain that I wasn’t ready to make an academic decision that could impact the rest of my life.
In my search for answers, I spent that summer reading books, going to the beach, spending time with family, and hanging out with the friends who were preparing to go off to school. While walking to the library to return my books one late August morning, I fantasized about how exciting life could be if I didn’t go off to college ever, but the tone of my father’s voice rang in my ear.
After dropping my books at the return desk, I headed to the card catalog to search “careers.” As I made my way to the section that I hoped would change my life, I took a detour when I spotted Antonio, the quiet class nerd from grade school who was always eager to lend an extra pencil or a kind word. Antonio was markedly different from the other boys; not just because he and his family came from a far away land (Portugal) but because he was consistently polite and well-mannered. In the four years that passed since eighth grade graduation, Antonio had not only bulked up but he became strikingly handsome. His jet black hair, always worn in a crew cut, was now long and styled and fell perfectly over one eye when he looked up from reading a book covered in brown paper. When his eyes met mine, he simply nodded, as if we had seen each other just last week. I had to stay cool.
Continue reading here
In this series, readers like you share recommendations for the things they love the most, right at this moment.
Three Summer to Fall Transition Dresses I'm Crushing On. By Dish Stanley
The Julia Amory Betty Dress in Noir
I love a great summer-to-fall transition dress! You can’t tell from looking at it, but the cotton is a thick, heavy one which really makes it work for days and nights with a slight chill. But because it’s cotton, it’s not too warm for an Indian Summer. This dress is so smart looking and flattering. I like to “pop the collar” and wear some big gold earrings to go out for dinner, to dress it up and make it more sophisticated. It is equally good for a casual lunch with some sneakers and more casual accessories. A total winner.
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Yo! Do you have some things you’re crushing on? Send them to us, please.
Amplify. The Best of the Double Dates Podcast Hosted By Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue
Double Dates features conversations on enduring love with couples who, like Thomas and Donahue, have been married a long time.
What Did We Learn from Nine Fascinating Conversations Among Long-Running Couples? There Are A Lot of Ways to Build A Happy Marriage. By Dish Stanley
After listening through the Double Date Podcast episodes (and picking the best for you), we learned some things. Below are some of their most memorable insights into long-term intimacy.
Patty Smyth and John McEnroe
What we learned: How one big personality plus another even bigger personality equals a happy marriage
You don’t get to be a long-term power couple without having some power struggles. Patty Smyth and John McEnroe may not agree on much, but they do agree that they are lucky to have found each other.
Best quote: 19:19 John, “Obviously the key to success in any marriage is, you have to compromise, you have to trust each other, and also hopefully have a lot of sex.”
Ted Danson & Mary Steenburgen
What we learned: In marriage, as in all things, sometimes the 2nd or 3rd time is the charm.
He was a big-time actor with widespread fame, two divorces, and a well-publicized affair under his belt. She was a single mother who lived a quiet life and wanted to keep it that way. But somehow, they are a match made to last.
Best quote: 15:55 Mary, “Our motto is: the only drama we like is that that we’re paid for.”
Continue reading here
Songs That Make You Wanna F*ck. A Compendium from the Readers of The Crush Letter.
An occasional pop-up where we share the songs that make the readers of The Crush Letter want to bang. Got one? Send it to me at Dish@PrimeCrush.com.
So Tonight That I Might See - Album by Mazzy Star
Submitted by Crush Reader Joe, Who Is All About His Wife
Hey, I am just as into a week night ‘quickie’ as anyone else, but I want to offer up an album. Because, if things are going to plan you want the ‘music to keep going’ if you know what I mean. I will say that - bar none - my wife’s favorite fuck album is and has always been Isaac Hayes’s Hot Buttered Soul. So naturally, I put that on for her. If she’s in the mood, I’m going to be in the mood.
For me though — the one I like playing for lovemaking is Mazzy Star’s So Tonight That I Might See.
What about this song musically does it for you?
The whole album is moody in a very deep, sensual way. You can move to it, but it doesn’t drive your (our) tempo. Some of the songs, like Five String Serenade, are meditative in a sexy way.
Is there a memory you attach to this song?
Last night. Which is what made me think of sending this to you, Dish. I just read The Crush Letter. (My wife and I both read it and love it.) And I thought, I should send her Mazzy.
Who/what are you thinking of when you listen to this song?
My wife. Always my wife. She is my world. We’re 35 years and going. I adore her.
Anything else…?
Can you ask your male readers about their favorite briefs and/or boxers? I’m looking for an upgrade and I wonder if there are any good suggestions, particularly if I can get them online. Soft. Cotton (or cottony feel).
Joe: YES! We’ll do an inquiry on briefs and boxers next week. Thanks for asking!
Watch List: Fall Television for Grown Ups By Dish
I’m Marking My Calendars for These Shows
I’m going to be running around a lot this fall, but I love settling in at night for a good watch. If you’re as excited as I am for the upcoming season, here’s a list for keeping track. The titles link to their respective trailers. (If I’ve missed something shoot me a note at Dish@PrimeCrush.com. Thanks!)
Only Murders in the Building Season 4 (Hulu) - August 27th
Kaos (Netflix) - August 29th
Slow Horses Season 4 (Apple TV+) - September 4th
The Perfect Couple (Netflix) - September 5th
The Old Man (FX) - September 12th
Three Women (Starz) - September 13th
In Vogue: The 90s (Hulu) - September 13th
The Golden Bachelorette (ABC) - September 18th
The Diplomat, Season 2 (Netflix) - October 31st
Bad Sisters Season 2 (Apple TV+) - November 13th
dishing.
Things I thought you might want to know about. Some of them require a subscription; I’ll let you decide whether it’s worth it to you (or not).
An iconic 85-year old Bergdorf personal shopper knows a lot about people, and it all comes out in this wonderful article from The New Yorker’s archives. “You listen, you prescribe—clothes are a fix—and you hold up a mirror. Most people can’t see themselves.”
I am on a tear to learn how to be funnier, so even though David Sedaris says he’s not exactly sure why the Pope invited him and a bunch of the other funniest comedians on the planet to meet with him at the Vatican, I know why. Not to laugh, thinks me (though that would be a natural outcome), but to learn how to make others laugh. Anyway, Sedaris’s hysterical account of the whole weird thing is in (of course) The New Yorker.
The brilliance of Slow Horses has not let up a tiny bit and its Season 4 has (yet again) dropped to resounding praise, as you can read in this piece from reviewer Tom’s Guide.
Because a good reminder is a good thing, here’s how those who master longstanding love do it, from The Atlantic.
“A REMINDER TO SUBMIT YOUR FIRST WEEK ATTENDANCE TO THE REGISTRAR, IN THE STYLE OF CORMAC McCARTHY’S ALL THE PRETTY HORSES,” is a short, clever, slyly humorous and utterly on point diversion, from McSweeney’s Internet Tendency.
Since I’m uncertain as to the overlap of Phish fans with GQ readers in a venn diagram, for those of you devoted to Phish you’ll want to read about this guy who recently spent four days with them, from GQ.
And lastly, you don’t have to be a fan of either Anna Wintour or Naomi Campbell to chuckle over how the recent contretemps between these two divas is absolutely quintessential Anna and quintessential Naomi, from TMZ.
Social Media I Loved This Week
@theswanspod This reel of Elizabeth Taylor in the 1960’s movie Boom is everything. She is the diva of all divas
Song of the Week
So Tonight That I Might See - Album by Mazzy Star
From CRUSH Reader Joe, this is his f*ck album (above).
And, in closing, yes I’m heartbroken that Sabalenka ousted my latest fixation at the US Open — Emma Navarro — who I have had a girlcrush on ever since Emma ousted my other girlcrush — Coco Gauff — earlier this year at Wimbledon. But Emma, and Coco, will rebound and rise tougher than ever. Of that I’m sure.
Thanks for being here. Enjoy this beautiful time of year.
Dish
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The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter from Dish Stanley curating articles & intelligence on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?