Double Dates, hosted by Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue, features conversations on enduring love and all its challenges with couples who, like Thomas and Donahue, have been married a long time.
The Best of the Double Date Podcast. What Did We Learn from Nine Fascinating Conversations Among Long-Running Couples? There Are A Lot of Ways to Build A Happy Marriage. By Dish Stanley
After listening through the Double Date Podcast episodes (and picking the best for you), we learned some things. Below are some of their most memorable insights into long-term intimacy.
Patty Smyth and John McEnroe
What we learned: How one big personality plus another even bigger personality equals a happy marriage
You don’t get to be a long-term power couple without having some power struggles. Patty Smyth and John McEnroe may not agree on much, but they do agree that they are lucky to have found each other.
Best quote: 19:19 John, “Obviously the key to success in any marriage is, you have to compromise, you have to trust each other, and also hopefully have a lot of sex.”
Ted Danson & Mary Steenburgen
What we learned: In marriage, as in all things, sometimes the 2nd or 3rd time is the charm.
He was a big-time actor with widespread fame, two divorces, and a well-publicized affair under his belt. She was a single mother who lived a quiet life and wanted to keep it that way. But somehow, they are a match made to last.
Best quote: 15:55 Mary, “Our motto is: the only drama we like is that that we’re paid for.”
Bryan Cranston and Robin Dearden
What we learned: Couples therapy is worth it.
Bryan and Robin are proof that you can grow up with poor role models, disagree on the fundamentals of marriage, and still make it work. If you go to therapy, that is.
Best quote: 27:08 Bryan, “I just don’t think I’m going to do any better than you.” Robin, “You’re probably right.”
Sting and Trudie Styler
What we learned: You can still have electric sex in your sixties and seventies.
Some couples can’t keep their hands off each other—even after almost 30 years of marriage.
Sting and Trudie are one of those couples.
Best quote: 5:30 Sting, “We have a pretty intense sexual charge between us still. But as Trudie said, that’s kind of ephemeral. What’s important is that I really like her, this woman. And she really likes me, despite knowing me.”
Neil Patrick Harris and David Burtka
What we learned: Sometimes, marriage in Hollywood is more normal than you might think.
Being gay and under the scrutiny of fame isn’t easy. Neil and David have been together since before gay marriage was legal, yet at their core, they’re just two devoted dads who wish they had more energy for sex.
Best quote: 22:31 Neil, “In a weird way, we keep falling in love with each other in different ways over and over. And I think that keeps our sex life alive.”
Rob & Michele Reiner
What we learned: A good marriage can change the plot.
When Harry Met Sally wasn’t originally going to have a happy ending. But after Rob met Michele, he decided to have the ending rewritten because she helped him understand love.
Best quote: 19:07 Rob, “And that’s another misnomer: ‘love is never having to say you’re sorry.’ Bullshit! Love is always having to say you’re sorry.”
Anna and Ray Romano
What we learned: Fame doesn’t destroy every relationship. In fact, sometimes, it makes it stronger.
When Ray met Anna, he lived with his parents and rode a bike to work because he didn’t have a car. Clearly, Anna wasn’t attracted to Ray’s fame and clout, which is part of what makes this Hollywood-steeped couple so rare.
Best quote: 6:28 Anna, “He was funny, and he was just kind. He’s just a good person.” Ray, “I haven’t heard the word ‘sexy’ yet.”
John and Justine Leguizamo
What we learned: What it’s like for a normal person to be married to a big star.
She grew up in the Upper East Side in a wealthy Jewish family; he was a troublemaker who was born in Colombia. Yet the journey for the Leguizamos has taught them about marriage and each other.
Best quote: 26:30 Justine, “Marriage goes in cycles, and there are good times and bad times. And if you just hang on, you’ll get to the next cycle.”
Viola Davis and Julius Tennon
What we learned: You can manifest something good in your life.
You might think that two acclaimed actors who have been married for nearly two decades would have a lot in common. You would be wrong. This is a tale of how opposites attract and why it can work out in the long run.
Best quote: 28:08 Viola, “The best thing that I’ve brought into my marriage is to really ask myself what am I contributing to it or what am I doing to destroy it whenever you’re on automatic in your marriage, you’re not in it.”
Double Dates Podcast. Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Chat with Patty Smyth & John McEnroe. April 5th, 2021 (28 Minutes)
You don’t get to be a long-term power couple without having some power struggles. Patty Smyth and John McEnroe may not agree on much, but they do agree that they are lucky to have found each other.
Who Marlo & Phil's Guests Are.
Patty Smyth: Singer/Songwriter behind the 80’s group Scandal, famous for singing about how love doesn’t always last. Watch her live here.
John McEnroe: A renowned tennis player in the 80’s whose dazzling shot-making and volleying was nearly equaled by his confrontational verbal style. Famously quoted as saying “you cannot be serious,” he is very serious about his long-time wife.
Married for: 24 years
How they met: at a Christmas party. They didn’t know they were being set up. But don’t ask them about it, because they have very different memories. About everything. John remembers encouraging Patty to pursue music more; she remembers him sticking her at home with the kids and putting her career on pause.
Best lines:
8:55 Patty, “I still didn’t believe in love, in monogamy, in marriage, but I had some kind of faith in him.”
19:19 John, “Obviously the key to success in any marriage is, you have to compromise, you have to trust each other, and also hopefully have a lot of sex.”
21:14 Patty, “Our whole life together is: ‘don’t give up on me. I’m a work in progress.’”
25:34 Patty, “Maybe that is one of the most important ingredients in a good marriage. Do you want to be right? Or do you want to be happy?”
Patty talks about how, initially, she didn’t stand up to John. It took her a while to hold her own with the man who was famous for his temper. Hearing them now, though, you wouldn’t know it. She doesn’t let him off the hook.
Clearly, sex is an important part of their relationship. And, for these two, sex may have helped to balance out a multitude of sins, including perpetual arguments.
Listen to this episode if: you’re wondering how one big personality plus another even bigger personality equals a happy marriage.
Double Dates Podcast. Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Chat With Rob Reiner and Michele Reiner Episode Date July 26, 2021 (31 Minutes)
This series highlights the best episodes from our favorite podcasts. One of them is Double Dates, hosted by Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue. It features conversations on enduring love and all its challenges with couples who, like Thomas and Donahue, have been married a long time.
When Harry Met Sally wasn’t originally going to have a happy ending. But after Rob Reiner (who directed the film) met Michele, he decided to have the ending rewritten because she helped him understand love. This storybook romance is one for the ages.
Who They Are.
Rob Reiner: Born into stardom, Rob Reiner has Hollywood credentials that are a mile long. You know him from All in the Family but he also directed classics like The Princess Bride, This Is Spinal Tap, and A Few Good Men.
Michele Reiner: Michele was a photographer who worked on films like Misery and Mixed Nuts.
Married for: 30 years
How they met: Rob had been single for ten years when a coworker set them up. They ended up having lunch with mutual friends, and, to put it mildly, they didn’t hit it off. Seven months later, they were married.
Best lines:
2:53 Rob, “My mother said ... ‘Find someone who can stand you. Not somebody you can put up with, somebody who can put up with you.’ And I think that’s the key.”
18:53 Rob, “Sometimes I have crossed the line. It’s a horrible thing because you can’t un-ring the bell, you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube. All you can do is say how much you love somebody and be sorry that you did what you did.”
19:07 Rob, “And that’s another misnomer: ‘love is never having to say you’re sorry.’ Bullshit! Love is always having to say you’re sorry.”
26:22 Michele, “We let each other be, you know what I mean? I think that has a lot to do with it. … There’s synchronicity even though we’re on opposite ends of things.”
26:54 Rob, “You get a lot of strength from the fact that somebody lets you be who you are.”
The Reiners’ relationship wasn’t all smooth sailing. What’s holding them together is their common interests, like their shared fascination with the Kennedy assassination that keeps them chatting until 3 in the morning.
Listen to this episode if: You want reassurance that big, loud fights don’t mean certain doom for romance.
Double Dates Podcast. Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Chat With Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen Episode Date April 12th, 2021 (36 Minutes)
He was a big-time actor with widespread fame, two divorces, and a well-publicized affair under his belt. She was a single mother who lived a quiet life and wanted to keep it that way. But somehow, they are a match made to last.
Who They Are.
Ted Danson: A famous actor whose career has spanned decades and included Cheers, Three Men and a Baby, and The Good Place.
Mary Steenburgen: An actor who you’ve seen in Philadelphia, What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Elf, and Step Brothers.
Married for: Nearly 30 years
How they met: They met on the set of Pontiac Moon, in which they were both cast. Ted Danson overshared, and he felt it was clear nothing would happen between them romantically. One magical canoe ride later, that all changed.
Best lines:
7:14 Ted, “Mary has, in our entire life, been the person that goes ‘let’s go around the next bend; come on, let’s do this’ … she’s always the one that gets me to go around the next curve in life.”
12:14 Mary, “I started to think, ‘oh, he’s probably a super slick guy …’ I was wrong because slick guys don’t say, ‘gosharooney’ after making love.”
13:20 Mary, “His tenderness toward my children and now our grandchildren would be a reason alone to love him.”
15:55 Mary, “Our motto is: the only drama we like is that that we’re paid for.”
26:29 Ted, “We have an agreement to not have secrets.”
27:54 Mary, “As famous people, the world either criticizes or romanticizes you. It’s rare that they would just like your realness … if I had to say the thing we’re most protective of in life is that we keep it real.”
32:40 Ted, “Find someone you don’t have to fix.”
They both attest that blaming the other person is more fun than acknowledging your part in each fight. Yet, they say that truth, laughter, and their willingness to be introspective have accounted for their marriage’s longevity.
Listen to this episode if: You want to hope that in marriage, as in all things, sometimes the 2nd or 3rd time is the charm.
Double Dates Podcast. Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Chat With Bryan Cranston and Robin Dearden Episode Date July 12, 2021 (31 Minutes)
This series highlights the best episodes from our favorite podcasts. One of them is Double Dates, hosted by Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue. It features conversations on enduring love and all its challenges with couples who, like Thomas and Donahue, have been married a long time.
Bryan and Robin are proof that you can grow up with poor role models, disagree on the fundamentals of marriage, and still make it work. If you go to therapy, that is.
Who They Are.
Bryan Cranston: Actor who rose to fame from roles in Malcolm in the Middle, Breaking Bad, and more.
Robin Dearden: Robin was an actor in shows like Magnum P.I., Highway to Heaven, and The A-Team.
Married for: 32 years
How they met: On the set of Airwolf. They both had partners at the time, but as they slowly got to know each other, they realized they were soulmates.
Best lines:
2:53 Bryan, “All seven of my parents’ marriages were wonderful.”
4:25 Robin, “I never wanted to get married. It wasn’t high on my list, and my parents never instilled in me the need to be married.”
11:19 Robin, “He explodes, I pout.”
13:44 Robin, “Bryan used to say to me, ‘I love you, I know I want to marry you, I just don’t know when.’ Well, I was 34. So, there was a part of me that was going, ‘so you’re assuming I’ll still be here.’ And that made me mad.”
17:07 Bryan, “Mental health has always been viewed as a weakness, that if you need therapy, your character is in question.”
21:46 Robin, “So that was a big therapy thing for us. I think I really would have resented having two kids when he would be gone like six months or go off and do a movie.”
25:45 Bryan, “The character of a person is what you should hitch your wagons to. What are the choices you make when times are tough?”
27:08 Bryan, “I just don’t think I’m going to do any better than you.”
Robin, “You’re probably right.”
27:30 Robin, “I’ll say sometimes, ‘I’m your best friend, I’ve got your back, don’t forget that.’”
This couple has survived some knock-down blowout fights about important stuff, like how many children to have. Robin was done after one child, but he wanted more. But despite the seriousness of their disagreements, their laughter permeates the show.
Listen to this episode if: You want to convince your partner that couples therapy is worth it.
Double Dates Podcast. Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Chat With Sting and Trudie Styler. Episode Date: March 15, 2021 (30 Minutes)
This series highlights the best episodes from our favorite podcasts. One of them is Double Dates, hosted by Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue. It features conversations on enduring love and all its challenges with couples who, like Thomas and Donahue, have been married a long time.
Some couples can’t keep their hands off each other—even after almost 30 years of marriage. Sting and Trudie are one of those couples.
Who They Are.
Sting: Singer, songwriter, and lead vocalist of the Police, Sting is almost as well-known for his love of tantric sex almost as he is for his musical stylings.
Trudie Styler: Producer and director of award-winning films, Trudie has been behind major movies like Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels, and Snatch.
Married for: 29 years, together for almost 40.
How they met: As neighbors, both committed to others at the time. Their affair made headlines and garnered global ill-will that shook them to their cores—but it led to a lifelong relationship.
Best lines:
2:47 Sting, “You know when you meet somebody, and you recognize them? …I recognized Trudie as someone that I could spend the rest of my life with. Bam! I saw it clearly. I just knew who she was, instantly.”
5:30 Sting, “We have a pretty intense sexual charge between us still. But as Trudie said, that’s kind of ephemeral. What’s important is that I really like her, this woman. And she really likes me, despite knowing me.”
8:40 Trudie, “I say to Sting: ‘I love you in the in-between moments of life.’”
17:36 Trudie, “The big accommodation is absolutely no phones when we eat. It’s a ritual. When you sit down, the coming together over food and wine, it’s a sacrament.”
19:53 Trudie, “Young women saying to me, ‘Do you know how lucky you are?’ [And I’d say]
‘He’s the fucking lucky one!”’
22:36 Sting, “She knows when I fancy someone on the cinema screen or TV.”
Trudie, “I do! I lean over, and I say, ‘The third one on the right? And he goes, ‘Yeah.’”
These two are sages existing among us. They are spiritually, sexually, and psychically connected—but their biggest accomplishment, at least according to them, is their friendship.
Listen to this episode if You need proof that you can still have electric sex in your sixties and seventies.
Double Dates Podcast. Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Chat with Neil Patrick Harris & David Burtka. Episode Date March 22, 2021
“In a weird way, we keep falling in love with each other in different ways over and over. And I think that keeps our sex life alive.” Neil Patrick Harris, about his husband of 7+ years David Burtka
Being gay and under the scrutiny of fame isn’t easy. Neil and David have been together since before gay marriage was legal, yet at their core, they’re just two devoted dads who wish they had more energy for sex.
Who They Are.
Neil Patrick Harris: Actor and comedian from Doogie Howser, How I Met Your Mother, American Horror Story, and more.
David Burtka: Actor you’ve seen on How I Met Your Mother and on Broadway.
Married for: 7 years; together for 14.
How they met: Neil saw a mutual friend walking down the street with someone handsome, found out the handsome someone was gay, and the rest is history.
Best lines:
6:10 Neil, “We didn’t want to get married because it was suddenly allowed to get married. We wanted to get married because we wanted to get married.”
7:29 David, “Because we’re gay, we count from the day of our first date. And then you add ten years, like a dog. In gay years, it’s about 150 years we’ve been together.”
13:26 David, “We know couples that have open relationships…I’d go crazy. If there was an open relationship, I’d hire a private detective, and I’d figure out where he was going…It would be hard for me.”
14:28 Neil, “When gay guys weren’t able to be out publicly…they had to pretend they were someone else. And therefore, promiscuity was understood because…they were having sex on the sly. But now there’s a normalization to it.”
19:29 Neil, “One of the things I believe the strongest is that when same-sex couples want to have kids, it’s because they’ve really thought it through. Because you can’t accidentally do it.”
22:31 Neil, “In a weird way, we keep falling in love with each other in different ways over and over. And I think that keeps our sex life alive.”
Neil thought that, because he was gay, he would spend most of his life alone. David changed all that. The sweetest part? They credit laughter with making their marriage last.
Listen to this episode if: You want to hear a refreshingly normal tale of marriage in Hollywood.
Double Dates Podcast. Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Chat with Anna & Ray Romano. Episode Date March 29, 2021 (31 Minutes)
Anna and Ray met the old-fashion way: at work. He lived with his parents until he was 29, dropped out of college, and rode a bike to work because he didn’t have a car. Clearly, Anna wasn’t attracted to Ray’s fame and clout, which is part of what makes this Hollywood-steeped couple so rare.
Who They Are:
Ray Romano: Stand-up comedian and actor who rose to fame on Everybody Loves Raymond and Ice Age.
Anna Romano: After her time as a bank teller, Anna was an actor and cinematographer.
Married for: 34 years
How they met: Prior to a life of stardom, Ray and Anna met while working as bank tellers. After Ray quit, he asked Anna out—but only after getting rejected by two other bank tellers. Two years later, they were married.
Best lines:
4:41 Ray, “She took a gamble because she went out with a guy who lived at home and rode a bike to work. And now, she has her own movie theater.”
5:44 Ray, “She would be happy if I was a plumber—if a plumber made the same amount of money that I do.”
6:28 Anna, “He was funny, and he was just kind. He’s just a good person.”
Ray, “I haven’t heard the word ‘sexy’ yet.”
10:05 Anna, “No, we don’t apologize to each other … We just get over it, and that’s it.”
11:02 Ray, “When I was doing my show and all that, she’s the one home with the four kids, and I’m the one on the road... She’s the one holding the fort down.”
23:27 Ray, “What I get from her is the truth. In this business where everyone is phony or kissing your ass, I know that’s not going to happen with her.”
Ray and Anna come from similar Italian backgrounds. Ray was used to being taken care of by his mother, and now Anna takes care of him the same way. These two just can’t stop being funny, and it’s evident their home is full of laughter.
Listen to this episode if: You want to hear a tale of a romance that even fame, fortune, and breast cancer couldn’t destroy.
Double Dates Podcast. Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Chat with Justine Leguizamo & John Leguizamo. June 21st, 2021 (30 minutes)
She grew up in the Upper East Side in a wealthy Jewish family. He was a troublemaker who was born in Colombia but is now a full-fledged New Yorker who spends life on the road a lot. Yet the journey for the Leguizamos has taught them about marriage and each other.
Who They Are.
John Leguizamo: Actor and stand-up comedian famous for Romeo + Juliet, Carlito’s Way, and John Wick.
Justine Leguizamo: She worked in films in the costume department.
Married for: 18 years
How they met: On the set of Carlito’s Way. John was starring in it, and Justine was a costume PA.
Best lines:
15:37 John, “I had nothing, and all the kids I went to school with had nothing, so we were all pretty equal.”
16:22 Justine, “I married an actor whose life was no surprise to me. I knew him for years before we got married. I knew he was going to be traveling a lot and that there was no clear schedule. It’s not easy.”
16:36 John, “We’re like circus folk. I’ve been an actor for so long that I didn’t understand the sacrifices she was making because I was so used to being uprooted all the time.”
17:24 Justine, “There were months where we didn’t see each other for months at a time. Was it hard on the marriage? I guess, at times. Marriage isn’t easy.”
18:03 John, “I think the jealousy is the other way around … I’m a jealous person. I had issues.”
23:23 John, “I think those are important life moments when you go, this person I’m with is more important than my career.”
26:30 Justine, “Marriage goes in cycles, and there’s good times and bad times. And if you just hang on, you’ll get to the next cycle.”
They don’t always agree on how to raise children (he wanted public school, she wanted private) or where to live (she wanted an apartment, he needs a brownstone). But they put in the effort to make each other happy.
Listen to this episode if: You want to know what it’s like for a normal person to be married to a big star who is on the road a lot.
Double Date Episode 1: Marlo Thomas & Phil Donahue Chat with Viola Davis and Julius Tennon.
This series offers up tastes of the best episodes from our favorite podcasts. One of them is Double Dates, hosted by Marlo Thomas and Phil Donahue. It features conversations on enduring love and all its challenges with couples who, like Thomas and Donahue, have been married a long time.
Episode Date March 3rd, 2021 (32 Minutes)
You might think that two acclaimed actors who have been married for nearly two decades would have a lot in common. You would be wrong. Viola’s easily stressed, Julius is calm. He’s extroverted; she’s a loner. He’s clean and organized; she’s messy. This is a tale of how opposites attract and why it can work out in the long run.
Who They Are
Viola Davis: A critical darling of the acting world, Viola is the first African American and the youngest actor to earn an Academy, an Emmy, and a Tony. You know her from How to Get Away with Murder, Fences, The Help, and more.
Julius Tennon: A seasoned actor and producer, you’ve seen Julius Tennon in Dazed and Confused and more TV shows than we can count.
Married for: 18 years
How they met: On the television pilot of City of Angels. He was exactly what she had been searching for. Julius gave her his number, and a mere six anxiety-filled weeks later, she called him.
Best lines:
15:10 Viola, “Relationships are an act of faith, and vulnerability is the ultimate level of courage.”
18:56 Julius, “One of the big things I get from is her is that I can tell her anything. She listens; she takes it in. She’s always interested in my well-being and happiness.”
28:08 Viola, “The best thing that I’ve brought into my marriage is to really ask myself what am I contributing to it or what am I doing to destroy it…whenever you’re on automatic in your marriage, you’re not in it.”
29:27 Viola, “You can’t operate separately with your own joy and go on your own path and your own road if, in the end, it doesn’t honor the ultimate commitment.”
Viola and Julius’s relationship is the picture of health and synergy. You can hear the pride in his voice when Julius talks about Viola’s accomplishments. And he’s taught her a lot along the way as well.
Listen to this episode if: you want proof you can manifest something good in your life.
In the series SIP we give you a a taste of the best episodes from our favorite podcasts. Last week's Letter No 22 included a DEVOUR tidbit recommending a listen to the Everything Is Fine episode with Marlo Thomas as a guest. It provides a great overview of Marlo's "take-aways" on enduring love from hosting a series of high-powered couples in long marriages. To read my full write-up go here, but the most interesting line from that episode was Marlo talking about her mindset on marriage before meeting Phil:
"I thought that marriage was not a roomy enough place for two whole people. That marrige was a place for 1 and 1/2 persons was my theory. The 1 person (either male or female) was the one who had the dream and was following the dream, and the other person {eg, the "half} was their manager, the quiet spouse."
Everything Is Fine is a series for women on life over 40, hosted by Kim France and Jennifer Rommolini. It is the best at what it does, which is offer up an honest, interesting, explicit look at everything in life that their sophisticated and urbane over 40 audience might be interested in. Follow them and their podcast on insta @eifpodcast @kimfrancenyc @jennromolini. And here's the episode It's Marlo Thomas!
The Crush Letter
The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter curated by Dish Stanley on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
