How to find porn that’s actually good? As in ethical as well as enjoyable? Porn may be ubiquitous, but finding good porn is much like finding a good book. You often pick up some bombs before you find an author you love. But, once you do land on (in this case, a director) you like, you might want to stick with them.
Statistically, people over 40 are having sex in droves, but you wouldn’t know it by browsing the major porn platforms. Finding porn that you like, that reflects you, is easier said than done. This goes double for women, people of color, people who have experienced abuse, and those who want an emphasis on consent and pleasure. The only people who tend to feel very seen in mainstream porn are young, white, straight, cis guys and, of course, blonde teens with their requisite pigtails and lollipops.
Sometimes, when you want to watch porn that stars people who look like you, you’ll end up watching something that fetishizes whatever is different about you, whether that’s your race, age, or identity. So, while you may find an older woman onscreen, the entire film is predicated on the taboo nature of this interaction. I want to be clear here: Pornographic sex is not by its nature kinky or transgressive simply because it features anyone other than a young white person.
Even Good Luck to You, Leo Grande, the recent, celebrated film in which Emma Thompson stars in the part of an older woman hiring a younger sex escort, fits into this taboo genre. The film is an age/gender bender whose power rests entirely on our culture’s shared assumptions around who wants sex, who hires for sex and who is deemed sexually attractive. Our view of sexuality desperately needs to change.
I want to be clear here: Pornographic sex is not by its nature kinky or transgressive simply because it features anyone other than a young white person. Our view of sexuality desperately needs to change.
On most standard websites, including ethical porn sites that claim to offer more diverse films, you will often find only depictions of younger people. Even large sites like Bellesa produce no results for the category “mature.”
Thankfully, this is starting to change. People with different perspectives are getting behind the camera and showing alternative views of sex. This means that you don’t have to settle for the same disappointing trope as always when you (and your partner, if you have one) pull up a XXX flick to watch. You could watch something beautiful—something that feels like art—instead.
Here’s a list of my favorites to help you find smart, inclusive porn to turn you on.
Best Places to Find Porn That Is Inclusive
PinkLabel
PinkLabel has a little something for everyone, and we mean everyone. It’s ethical, and it’s inclusive. Here, you can search mature, and you’ll find 50+ people having sex—with no winking naughtiness to be found. Porn from other countries and cultures is easy to find, and languages from all over the world can be heard.
Like most modern platforms, you can rent or buy each film, making it easy to sample films first. You can buy a subscription, but it’s always nice to try the milk before buying the cow. The Kissing Whip (a hetero-oriented flick that involves whips, of course) immediately had our attention, as much for its thrumming baselines as for its sexy depiction of kink. However, the focus of this site is on queer couples.
MakeLoveNotPorn
MakeLoveNotPorn has a large selection of clips that feature people from all walks of life. This site leans more toward “real sex” than “ethical porn,” and the change is refreshing.
ArtSex24
ArtSex24 is a content creator that makes pretty, themed videos with background music—a rarity in the world of amateur porn and something that covers over a multitude of awkward silences and unintentional sounds. “Grandious bath in Altembrouck” is a video that managed to make bathtub sex look fun—another rarity for amateur porn.
Another excellent choice is “Tantra with Interruptions” by YesGoddessErica. The caption, “I contain multitudes. Today, I'm less Domme. More mom,” is highly relatable, and this cute video features a heterosexual couple practicing tantra, complete with periodic interruptions from their kid.
Another performer who was fun to watch was Doris_Dawn, who frequently videotapes herself with her husband. One of her videos is called “33 Years Later,” which is a beautiful representation of how great monogamy can be—even after decades together. Joy is writ large on her face, which is common in the videos on MLNP. When watching regular porn, it can be easy to forget that sex is supposed to be joyful and sometimes even funny. MLNP is a lovely reminder that sex isn’t serious.
Dipsea
Dipsea is an audio erotica site, but what they offer is a mixed bag. It has only a small amount of erotica that’s not geared specifically toward millennials, but you can search for specific things like AAPI voices or LGBTQ+ stories.
Some of their audio erotica is excellent. Beach Boy is about a post-divorce tryst after a beach party heats up–quick. Flashback is about a female photographer recounting some of her favorite memories from her sexual past. The stories are carefully crafted with particular attention paid to the sound, making it extra hot for audiophiles.
Erika Lust
While this doesn’t technically count as a website, director Erika Lust is making some of the best modern porn out there. Erika Lust films sex documentaries that feature real couples having sex, and she also makes indie adult films that favor realism over drama. Watching her works feels less like porn consumption and more like porn nourishment. You can find her work on various adult websites like xconfessions.com, where you can search for her as a director, or read more about her contribution to the industry in this New York Times article.
The Cooking Show is a clear standout of her work. It depicts a man fantasizing about a 40+ woman who has her own cooking show. In his fantasy, she feeds him a taco and then things take an even steamier turn. The film normalizes the sexiness and desire of the woman, and every shot is stunning.
I Can’t Stop This Affaire is another great choice, featuring a 40-something exec and the one she meets with in secret. This flick is from her series based on real-life confessions, which adds another wicked element to its appeal. While it’s light on the plot, somehow, it’s adorable. I’m not sure I’ve watched cuter porn. The music, the lighting, and every shot convey the feeling of those have-to-have-you-right-now relationships that are so relatable. It’s only five minutes long, so rather than a main course porn dish, it’s more of an amuse-bouche, which may be perfect for someone who just wants to dip their toes in.
It’s a strange feeling to see porn that reflects life, especially as so much porn relies on the instant and sometimes-senseless desire of its characters, with no regard for why they are about to have sex. It’s an unfamiliar feeling to watch porn and feel like you’ve been in a relationship much like the on-screen couple. The porn industry is at a turning point, and since it’s making a long-overdue pivot towards art and inclusion, it’s an exciting time to be alive for porn-watchers.
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The Crush Letter is a weekly newsletter curated by Dish Stanley on everything love & connection - friendship, romance, self-love, sex. If you’d like to take a look at some of our best stories go to Read Us. Want the Dish?
