Actual Text Exchange with a Girlfriend: The Eyes of Tammy Faye

JILL: Hey Dish. Need your help.

Me: Sure. What’s up?

JILL: It’s Natalie.

Me: I just saw her.

JILL: Then you saw that we need to do an intervention.

Me: WHAT? For NATALIE? Can you talk now?

JILL: No, I’m in a full car. Jack’s driving +kids.

Me: What’s going on? Sounds serious.

JILL: It is. It’s her fake eyelashes. Somebody needs to tell her she looks like Tammy Faye on Adderall.

JILL: You’re good at this, Dish. You’re the one who told us about our mustaches. Remember?

Me: I’m not going to say I don’t know what you’re talking about. But this is different. She‘s into her lashes. Nobody but Tom Selleck wants a mustache.

JILL: It’s perception drift.

Me: What?

JILL: Perception drift. This.

Dish: Got it. Speaking of. Did you know Tammy Faye is coming to Broadway?

JILL: Perfect! I’ll get tickets for the three of us.

Dish: In! Music by Elton John! Idea: I propose that we “all“ get over-the-top lashes “for the show.”

JILL: Brilliant.

Dish: Bc maybe she’s fully aware. Has busted out a midlife move and enjoys the outrageousness.

JILL: Good point. Who knows, maybe they’ll be so fun I’ll decide to keep them!

Dish: Me too. Our 60’s pivot. We could become the Tammy Fayettes. Try out to be back-up singers for Elton John cover bands.

JILL: Don‘t Go Breaking My Heart.

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